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CHAPTER
NINETEEN Before discussing the form and content of my typical weekend training, I first want to explain some of my reasons for doing things my way. These points are trivial, but I believe they all go towards making everyone as comfortable as possible. For example, although I generally work someplace where there are enough blankets and pillows so that everyone can be provided with them if necessary, I usually ask people coming to a training to bring their own individual blankets and pillows or sleeping bags. That's so that they can feel comfortable using familiar bedding. As mentioned before, in my announcements and invitations, I also ask people not to wear aftershaves, perfumes, hair sprays, or other scented preparations to Rebirth trainings. It is much easier to breathe clean air that isn't scented, especially since the base or carrier for most commercial perfumes may be irritating to many noses. Another reason is that scents have nostalgia value. I'm not especially fond of Rebirthing someone who has a specific agenda in mind, so, I'm not especially in favor of someone prompting his unconscious with specific smells in order to call up specific negatives which he then intends to let go with his breath. I prefer he surrender to the breath, letting Divine Intelligence determine what comes up and is let go of by the breathing. And a third reason is that I want people to think of a Rebirth training, whether it's a Rebirth weekend or a Rebirth one-day seminar, as a place to get real, not a place for putting on phony facades and trying to attract someone. I don't want people operating from the scarcity thought that they, themselves, are not enough, that they have to do something extra besides being themselves to make people want them. I don't think the most important thing we do in our lives is to attract someone sexually and get them to commit to us, so that we stay in a long-standing, loving, sexual relationship. I think our important relationship is with ourselves and with God and with Reality. My workshops are aimed at stimulating people to think about that. If food isn't being provided, I ask people to bring to a workshop their own bag lunches so that we don't need to go and buy food, prepare it, clean-up, etc., or break up the group to go out to get meals. Whenever possible, I try to do trainings where the meals are provided already prepared, so that we only need to take a break to go to be served. This isn't the same in other people's trainings. Some leaders want to give trainees a chance to go off by themselves for meals and digest or integrate whatever they've been hearing or thinking about. Others think that a good finish of a day's training is for everyone to go out together for a large meal at a restaurant. But my own feeling is that we've come together for a very short period of time, to get a lot done, and I like doing it. (Outside of the workshop, I'm always open for a party, as people who know me personally know is true.) I like the idea of staying together as a group dealing with the Rebirthing process and Rebirthing topics continually, without any interruption for mealtime breaks or rest. Given my choice of several hours spent dining together or several hours spent discussing our cases, I almost always opt for having extra time for case work. In this regard, I might add that, during my workshops, I do, indeed, go all day long, for very extended periods of time, paying close attention to at least one other individual constantly. My attention isn't wavering. I'm not daydreaming during workshops or sessions. I am connecting with some other person's consciousness every instant, as much as possible. I've been "on" from seven in the morning until midnight, working like that, for as long as forty-two days, six full weeks without a day off, several times, at no pain or cost to myself. I am pleased I can provide service for a large number of people that way. Breathing fully and freely allows me to have all the energy I need to do anything I want to do without any effort whatsoever. I believe that's true for everyone. After all, we're dealing with the most interesting topic of all: who we are. So I am very clear, right up front at the beginning of the workshop, that I am not responsible for keeping anyone else's energy level high. It's up to each person to take care of routine matters like toileting, standing up for a stretch, or eating a snack. I don't have breaks because I have no scarcity of energy, and I know that the people in my trainings actually don't either. We all are connected to Infinite Energy. Although other training leaders plan breaks to replenish energy one way or another, I believe the people who attend my workshops can certainly keep going without having to take breaks every hour to stand up and dance, or every hour and a half for a little snack, or every few hours while I go and bathe and change my clothing. And, certainly, there's no sense, as I see it, to needing a break to go smoke a cigarette. In connection with smoking, I want to be very clear. I know many Rebirthers who smoke tobacco. They're people I love, people with good reputations, who sincerely believe that it doesn't harm them. Yet the essence of Rebirthing is to surrender to the breath, to trust that being out of control is safe if your Thought is pure, since, in fact, we are always totally in control. So, I suggest to people who are smokers that a Rebirthing training is a superb time for them to stop smoking. Since they're going to be doing a lot of breathing, they might as well anchor some new thoughts in on that too:
If they can't refrain, it's up to them to go out and smoke when they want, and they'll just miss that part of the discussion, or if the group objects to their coming and going, they'll have to wait to smoke until the group disbands. Only twice have I changed my position on this matter. In Valencia, Spain, most of the people in the workshop were so heavily addicted to tobacco that many frequently left the discussion to go smoke their cigarettes. This got to be enough of a distraction and interruption so that I finally set ten-minute smoke breaks every hour. At least that way, everyone was always present for the entire discussion. I made a similar concession during a workshop in Paris, France, where most of the men attending one workshop were people from North Africa who were apparently even more addicted to tobacco than the people in Spain. They also weren't extremely thrilled to be in a workshop led by a woman, so they didn't seem disposed to follow my requests that they refrain from cigarettes until we took breaks at the end of each hour. Either they were rebelling or were so addicted to constant smoking that they lit cigarettes without even thinking about it. Fortunately, the room we were using was usually used for dancing and exercise classes; it had a very large square area, very high walls, and a skylight that comprised most of the ceiling and that could be opened to the outside air. So I finally surrendered to reality and told the group that people could smoke while sitting in the group discussion, but only if the skylight were open at all times. When people objected that it was winter and the heat would leave the room, I gave them their choice: smoking or warmth. We spent the last three days of the workshop bundled in our winter coats, covered in blankets, while just about everyone but me smoked and smoked and smoked. In this connection, people addicted to nicotine argue,
"If your thought creates your universe and you don't believe that cigarettes hurt you, then they won't." I believe that everyone who's ever attended any workshop I've ever been involved with has truly been a divine creature, and I seek to find the divinity in everyone I meet. But I do not for an instant believe that most of the people I've been training are indeed yet Masters, in the sense of being able to transcend normal, every- day ideas about energy and health. My reply generally is that I have no objection, but until they've Rebirthed a few times and have experienced what happens with the breath alone, I suggest they refrain from using marijuana or other psychedelic substances during their Rebirth sessions or at workshops and trainings. Unless they are experienced Rebirthers, they are clouding the issue by confusing and confounding the two. Now let's proceed to discuss my standard training. Typically, I schedule a weekend training to run from 7:00 P.M. to at least 10:00 P.M. Friday, from 10:00 A.M. to 10:00 P.M. Saturday, and from 10:00 A.M. to 7:00 P.M., Sunday. Week-long trainings follow the same order but differ because more time is available for our topic of the day and for more individual Rebirths. Since weekend trainings are most common, the following description is based on them. Once aims have been written, I ask everyone to take a moment to think about what they know about their births and what they know about their parents at the time of their conception and birth: Were they in love with each other? Were they married? Did they want children? Were they happy, cheerful, juicy people, accepting and rejoicing in sex and love and family? or what? I also ask them to think about what their involvement with Rebirthing has been: Have they been in other trainings? Have they been Rebirthed before? Was that in groups or in one-on-one sessions? What happened? After that, I tell everyone, "OK, now we'll go around the group and I want each of you to take a few minutes to introduce yourself. Tell us your name, where you come from, what you do for a living, what your involvement has been with Rebirthing, and what you know about your birth; then I want you simply to read out loud the aims you've just written down. Don't elaborate or editorialize-just read your aims the way you wrote them down." I like to use each person's brief report as an opportunity to discuss, also briefly, some important point about Rebirthing, especially if what the person is saying about her birth or her parents seems to have direct and obvious relationships to the aims that she has. So, typically, these introductions take several hours. Even if the group is very large, I believe it's absolutely vital to the workshop for people to learn about each other in our first get-together. If the group is about sixty people, however, I limit the introductions to name, job, and aims-sometimes I even limit people to their three most important aims. I also don't make many comments about a person's specific case. I know that in many countries, especially in England, what a person does for a living is regarded as his privacy. But I'm an American, I teach mostly Americans, and I'm teaching them an American technique. In America what a person does for a living tells a great deal about him, since, generally speaking, people in America earn their living because of their own capacities and training, not because they inherit jobs because their family's been doing something particular for centuries. Once all the trainees have told who they are and what their backgrounds in Rebirthing have been and what they want to get out of the workshop, I talk for a short while about my background and my personal aims. Then I discuss my role and the course of the workshop. I usually say something like, "My concern is that you get what you came for, that you learn what Rebirthing is, that you feel competent as Rebirthers, and that you get what you personally want for yourself, because that's why you're here. It's my responsibility to tell you my best ideas about Rebirthing and to help you see how you can apply these to your own specific case and learn how to use Rebirthing with other people. I'm willing to spend as much time and effort as needed for each of you to attain those aims. We definitely will start on time, and I want us to stay together until we complete the topics for each period. I have great time integrity, but it's not always manifested in ways that some people expect, for example, by closing at a set time. I don't care if we go over our time limit. If you can't stay past the announced closing time, be sure to let me know so we can handle your case early." I also announce that I want to make certain that each person gets what he wants from the workshop. If not, I'll give him back his money. I can't give him back his hopes, dreams, or time, but I can certainly do my best to make sure he gets what he says he wants from the workshop. If not, at least he's not out his money as well. Then I talk very briefly about the Ideal breath and about the process of Rebirthing. I remind them that Rebirthing someone else is simple and safe. Essentially it consists of sitting next to the Rebirthee, breathing in the connected pattern, and prompting the Rebirthee to take the fullest, most satisfying inhale possible, and to let go the exhale as effortlessly as possible. That's all it is. I ask everyone to agree to keep to a one-hour breathe session contract between the Rebirther and the Rebirthee during the training, and I explain what that entails: As the Rebirthee, each trainee openly agrees to make every effort to breathe as fully as possible in the connected fashion, lying on her back with her arms by her sides and her legs spread naturally. She agrees to breathe as her Rebirther suggests, to follow her promptings for an hour. Each trainee also openly agrees that, as the Rebirther, she contracts to observe her Rebirthee's breathing closely and continually for an hour, and to prompt gently and with as much inspiring quality as possible, so that her Rebirthee is encouraged to breathe correctly. I ask people at trainings to agree to start individual sessions promptly and to remind each other of when the hour is up, and to stop the session soon after. I explain that our Thought Creates, so a Rebirth can be completed in an hour if that's intended and agreed upon. I also remind them to close with the affirmation: By dealt with I mean either re-submerged back into the unconscious or let go of through the conscious use of the breath. I use and recommend this closing affirmation so the Rebirthee doesn't feel hung over or incomplete. I limit the individual Rebirths to an hour because I don't want the training schedule radically disrupted while one particular individual goes off on a five-hour breathe, essentially imprisoning her Rebirther into watching this extended breathe period. At some trainings I've attended led by other Rebirthers, there were no time limits when people went off to do their one-on-one Rebirths as couples. Because they got started late or kept going well past an hour, very often people came back to these workshops hours after everyone else had shared or after some particular topic had been discussed. I find such erratic attendance disturbing. There's nothing necessarily "wrong" with having people coming in "late," but I think it's easier to work within time limits and to have the group back all together at the topic discussions, called seminars. After answering a few other questions about Rebirthing as a process, I stop the discussion in time for the trainees to choose up partners to go Rebirth with and to have time to complete at least one Rebirth that evening. I stress that this first Rebirthing partnership is only going to last for one Rebirth exchange. I want people to know that clearly, so no one feels "stuck" with someone else. Thanks to our introductions, everyone knows enough about each other to have some preferences. So choosing partners is relatively easy. At most workshops, some people have Rebirthed previously while others have never Rebirthed before. I let the ones who have never Rebirthed choose from amongst the "experts," and everyone usually seems to feel comfortable about that. If only very few or even none of the people in the workshop are experienced Rebirthers, all we can do is trust divine intuition-and, of course, it always works. So, in that case, I allow the group as a whole to decide how they want to choose partners. Whatever the group wants is OK with me. Sometimes, it has been just on the basis of every woman picks a man or every woman picks a woman, or every old person picks a young person, or every old person picks an old person, or whatever. Sometimes they draw lots. If somebody comes up to me to complain privately that he doesn't want to Rebirth with the person he's partnered with, I usually say, "Well, this is your mind's creation, you are the one who "chose" to have him. There must be some real purpose being served in this. I hope you won't insist on getting a different partner. I want you to go with him and find the perfection in it." Sometimes funny things happen at trainings as people get worried about the consequences of a New Age level of intense honesty, and revert back into social games which cost a lot of effort and really don't pay off very well. An example is the smelly fellow at the training in the United Kingdom several years ago previously discussed. Before everyone leaves to go start the first individual Rebirth, I say something short about the perfection of this process of choice. It's always a teaching. A whole lot of negatives can get taken care of and discharged in the course of dealing with why each person makes a specific choice and how each feels about the person chosen. So, picking a first partner is always an important decision, one that can lead to much growth.
Then they go off, two by two, to Rebirth each other. When we next meet together, everyone in the group has been Rebirthed and everyone in the group has Rebirthed at least one person. Often, at this point in the training, people ask me, "Aren't you going to go around and check on us and see how well we're doing?" My reply is, "You don't need me to supervise or intercede. If anything comes up, remember it's only a manifestation of your own old negative thought. Breathe and remind yourself of the truth, which is that you are good and you know what you're doing. Carry on." Sometimes people ask, "What will I do if I have an emergency, if the person stops breathing? Where will you be in case I need you?" I always reply, "Breathe! Keep on breathing, keep prompting, stay there, and sooner or later your Rebirthee will breathe. Keep in mind that everything "negative" that comes up during a Rebirth is a manifestation of your old, deep negative thoughts. This is your opportunity to let go of your negatives at the same time that you're keeping an eye on another person who is taking the opportunity to let go his old negatives. You can't prevent anyone from reaching their highest spiritual purpose, ever, and especially not by Rebirthing. Nothing bad can happen." Lots of times, people say that they don't feel competent and that, after all, they've been computer programmers or cartoonists or something that doesn't even necessarily involve working with people. They aren't psychologists, they're not teachers, they're not mothers, etc. Don't I think that they should have more training before they do something as involved and complicated as Rebirthing someone else? I say to these insecure people, "No! Rebirthing is easy. If your Rebirthee is breathing in fully, great! Everything's fine. If he's not, ask him to take in more air. If he's letting his breath go effortlessly, without making a big production of it, not guarding it, not pushing it out, not exhausting the air in his lungs, etc., but simply letting go, then you're doing it right, and you can just sit there doing a breathe yourself. If he's efforting, you'll hear him and you can ask him to stop puffing or moaning or whistling. You can ask him to take less time on his exhale and just let it go without guarding it and trickling it out. You can do whatever you feel you need to do, keeping your focus on his breath. Anyone can do it. All you have to do is watch his chest or listen for whether the air is going in or out. You can easily tell if someone is breathing in fully or breathing out effortlessly, as well as keeping the inhale and exhale connected. You don't need more special training or experience to be a good Rebirther." In this connection, I think it's interesting that the first person who ever picked me to Rebirth him (or does anybody ever pick us, don't we always guide someone to go for us?) was an individual who was absolutely stone deaf without his hearing aid which, unbeknownst to me, he had removed. He didn't respond when I asked him to breathe because he could not hear me! I finally resorted to touching his shoulder to bring him back to his breath. I hazard the guess that I have trained as many Rebirthers as anyone in this world, with the possible exception of Leonard Orr, Sondra Ray, or Phil Laut. I have been leading trainings year after year after year all over the world, and many of them are extremely well attended with sometimes hundreds of people in a weekend or week-long training. Furthermore, at this point, I have over fifty years of professional clinical experience as a psychologist, which I know is more than anyone else in the entire Rebirthing movement has. From the width and breadth of all my experience and training, in and out of Rebirthing, I know that the process of Rebirthing, while the most profound process I have ever been involved with, surely, nevertheless is, itself, a simple thing to teach and monitor and encourage in the next person. Thank God for that! Even little children can be and are excellent Rebirthers. Even very aged and disabled people can be and are excellent Rebirthers. Even people who don't have up-to-normal intelligence can be and are good Rebirthers. You don't need any clinical training. You don't even need any Rebirth training. You don't even need to know anything about the person you're Rebirthing. Of course, we all enjoy finding out about other people. As a psychologist, I've been listening professionally to people talking about themselves since 1945, and I'm always fascinated as I find out what happened that led to what's happening. So I ask lots of questions and I always make up unique, personalized affirmations based on the information transmitted as people talk. But, by and large, such talk is mainly only a way to become more intimate with each other. In a sense, it's only gossip. It can be dispensed with, if necessary, because whatever the special characteristics of a specific individual's life may be, all people have generalized negatives about their conception, their birth, their first breath, and their relationships with their parents. Thus, all people can benefit from the use of such generalized affirmations as:
And, of course, even affirmations can be thought of as part of the drama, not of the essence. I'm convinced that while anyone is doing the breathing, he lets go at least some or all old negatives, especially the ones connected with his birth and parents. So his Thought becomes continually purified as he breathes. Pressed thusly by logic, I'm forced to declare my choice: I mainly only like to Rebirth people I know. Also I still believe it's necessary to establish rapport between me and my Rebirthee. But I always emphasize that it's the breath that does the healing. The Rebirthing breathing works, even without lots of reliance on affirmations. And that conscious connected breath can be successfully taught by anyone. In order to Rebirth someone, you only need have the ability and willingness to sit down and commit yourself to the task of prompting your Rebirthee, so that he breathes as fully and freely as possible in the connected pattern for at least an hour. But I know it isn't. Rebirthing may be more profound than other existing psychotherapies, it may be the best healing technique ever yet devised, it may be better than anything any clinical psychologist does. I'm not disputing any of that. I, in fact, would declare such statements not as maybes, but as truths. But that doesn't mean that you need any academic psychological training whatsoever in order to be a "good" Rebirther. Or that such training could produce "better" Rebirthers. I think the people who say that to be a Rebirther you need extensive psychological training and academic credentials are operating from a concept of scarcity. Perhaps on one level they are interested in maintaining a power relationship and a supervisory, controlling relationship over others or at least a critical, selective one. Maybe they believe that because they did Rebirthing first, they do it best, and so all others should learn from them. Hardly true. When I explain my point of view, some people, still holding on to this interesting thought that you have to have special advanced professional training to be a good Rebirther, say, "Well, you only think it's easy because you've had so much clinical training. You call your sensitivity "divine intuition," but I believe that what it is is a consequence of extensive psychological training. You're so into symbolism automatically that you don't think that you're doing anything that other people can't do just as easily and just as well. I still believe that if a Rebirther is going to understand her Rebirthee, she needs extensive psychological training." Well, of course, that is not so. Each of us is certainly capable of seeing the obvious, and frankly, I don't think anything is much more obvious than our own personal law. We're sending it out constantly, like radio transmitters. Our brains are constantly vibrating, sending out some kind of an electromagnetic pattern that can be received by others who pay attention. The kids of today know that. That's why they talk about the "vibes" and being "in tune" with each other. As for interpreting the symbolism of the breath, to me it's obvious that no special training is needed either. We all know the full, easy breath of confidence just as we all know the cramped breath of fear. Whenever we talk about such symbols, we're almost talking art, the art of the breath's dance, and we are each of us capable of appreciating that artistic experience. Perhaps some of these other trainers have such high requirements because they think such standards make sure that kooks and flakes and
freak's don't become Rebirthers and give Rebirthing a bad name. It is impossible to give Rebirthing a bad name. Rebirthing is nothing but a breathing exercise, a dance of the breath, easily witnessed. The Rebirthee's Thought creates the circumstances of his Rebirth session. If someone, somewhere, teaching a client to Rebirth, does something which the client doesn't like, this is in no way a reflection whatsoever on Rebirthing or even on that particular Rebirther, since after all, only the client has free will in the client's world. Some people object to this logic. As already discussed, they ask what about a Rebirther who tries to seduce his client? All I can reply is,
"Everything is a teaching." So, this is now her opportunity to deal with seduction in a manner that's of service to her, instead of in the same old pattern that apparently has never served to let go her grievances associated with seduction, especially seduction from a so-called authority figure. Many people have asked if I don't want to form an organization of Rebirthers that will keep out people like Mr. So-and-So who always balls with the pretty girls who come to him for Rebirths. No, I don't believe it's my job to set up exclusionary organizations to make sure that every acknowledged Rebirther is operating ethically and morally. In my universe, everyone does. That's how the people I train are. I don't ball with my patients and I don't have social friends amongst people who do, so far as I know. Also, I know that whatever happens always happens with everyone's consent, and, as mentioned previously, I, myself, can't make a judgment as to whether or not balling with somebody you've Rebirthed corrupts or distorts the experience, or enhances and completes it. (In fact, I don't even know if I can really make the judgment that balling with anyone could possibly be harmful in any way, except for the obvious biological consequences of disease and unwanted pregnancy-and these are also affected by thought, too.) Anyhow, how can any Rebirthing organization force people to follow certain moral principles? In any case, my trainees do, indeed, leave to go off and do unsupervised Rebirths when we have been together for only a few hours. As they leave, I remind them to think, not only:
On a typical weekend training, it generally takes two to three hours to write down our aims, make our introductions and share our aims with each other, select our Rebirth partners, and be ready to go off to do the Rebirthing. That's the close of the pre-Rebirth part of the evening. Generally speaking, I try to finish the seminar-discussion part of the evening before 10:00 P.M. so the two Rebirths can be done before midnight. If a couple doesn't want to do both Rebirths back-to-back that evening, the second Rebirth can be done early in the morning the next day, before we meet as a group at 10:00 A.M., Saturday, to share our Rebirthing experiences. I try to find a venue for the training that has many separate rooms in which each couple can exchange Rebirths privately. But sometimes it has been necessary to have more than one couple Rebirth in one room. When that's so, I always ask that the couples be turned away from seeing each other and that they lie down as far away from each other as possible. I urge them to open the windows extra wide. I know that's a hardship in a cold country, but fresh air-new spirit-is what we want, isn't it? In this connection, I've had the experience of Rebirthing people in air- conditioned, enclosed spaces, and my feeling is that it has never been as clear and definitive a Rebirth experience as when I work where windows are open or, better yet, when I work completely out in the open air. Sometimes, especially when the training is non-residential, people who live nearby go off as pairs to Rebirth in their own respective living spaces. That's fine with me. Remember, I don't supervise them anyhow. I trust that they can Rebirth each other successfully and perfectly wherever they go. On Friday evening the travel time doesn't matter, and on Saturday we just adjust the schedule to give the couples time to go to and come back from where they choose to Rebirth. I always remind people that I think they're much better off if they do their Rebirthing on the floor, with the Rebirthee lying on pads on the floor, while the Rebirther sits next to him or behind him. That's much better than Rebirthing on a bed with the Rebirther either lying next to her Rebirthee or sitting on a chair near the bed. Such a suggestion has nothing to do with mystic concepts about being grounded. It comes simply from an ordinary, common-sense evaluation of the circumstances. People often feel somewhat dizzy when they start to breathe fully, and then become apprehensive if they are on a surface from which they can fall or roll. Obviously, also, if some people are concerned about the implications of the intimate relationship between the Rebirther and the Rebirthee and whether it should or shouldn't spill over into a seduction episode, everyone is certainly better off if we're just not on beds, which automatically carry several confusing connotations: one of enforced immobility, one of sexual intimacy, and one of illness and weakness. The floor for me! Furthermore, I know from practical experience (after all, I've been working on the floor essentially since 1971 when I started my seven and a half years of doing Primal) that if you are on a hard surface, your sacrum knows what to do with your spine, so that you don't get a back- or neck-ache. If, however, you're on a yielding surface (and that can be as little as an inch of padding underneath your sit-upon), your back usually gets tired in short order. So, I believe Rebirthers are better off down on the floor; a floor with a thin carpet on it is ideal. I work on a floor that is carpeted, but not padded, and to make sure that my client stays warm, I use a foam slab plus a thinsulate pad covered with a fleece for him to lie on. Then I cover him with a king-size Orlon comforter. I wash the fleece and the comforter frequently. I use several different pillows under his head and knees, and I change pillowcases between each client. For me it's imperative that the surroundings be clean. And I like my surroundings to be pretty, as they are in my own Rebirthing room. I have seen Rebirthers who use a grungy and smelly sleeping bag into which each one of their Rebirth clients crawls to Rebirth. I imagine the people who choose to Rebirth with somebody using a dirty sleeping bag are people who had mothers with intense, deep feelings of shame about their own sexuality. If you come from a lady who thinks sex is dirty, and that the part where sex is felt is the filthiest, smelliest place of all, then I imagine when you get Reborn you've got to recreate those circumstances. I'm really glad my mom didn't think that. Sometimes, when I'm conducting a workshop or training in my home, people gather together in my living room or hot tub at the end of Friday evening after Rebirths are finished. I ask that everyone keep the conversation away from their Rebirth experiences because those will be discussed the next day when we're all together in session. If both Rebirthings aren't exchanged Friday evening, the second Rebirth takes place early Saturday before the group meeting starts. I'm always struck by how every workshop I have ever led has had what seems to be a central theme, reflective of the consciousness of the members of the group. This is especially notable when I consider how the people who attend may come from several different countries and from a very wide variety of life styles. As the very first introductions are being made during the first meeting of a workshop, such a central theme becomes evident. Such a "coincidence" occurred when an old Primal patient of mine, very drunk, came over unexpectedly during a workshop being held in my house, but not led by me. I had to teach my college class that afternoon, so I didn't arrive home until the whole episode was finished. I came back to find a very disturbed group of people. I was told that Jim had asked if he could join the group and he was allowed to, but he kept interrupting to ask far-out questions and also to go outside to smoke. When the workshop leader had asked him to leave because he was being disruptive, Jim launched into a strong criticism of what he called the hypocrisy of the group for rejecting him while they were talking about seeing the divinity in everyone. I was told that the leader and Jim almost came to blows, narrowly averted when my friend Louis enticed Jim to go outside with him to drink the bottle of Southern Comfort I had least seen on my dining room sideboard. After I had been told what had happened, I commented,
"Someone here must have a really strong negative about people who drink too much." At another workshop I was leading out of town, everyone was talking about their individual sex-and-love cases in such an unspecific and clouded way that I finally commented it seemed as if everyone was keeping some secret. It turned out that all but two had been molested sexually as a child-the exceptions were one man who tearfully confessed to having molested his daughter and one woman who was afraid that her husband was molesting their daughter! Because a central theme of a workshop group emerges so regularly, I have offered workshops from time to time that are dedicated to a specific topic. Generally, however, I have found there is more spirit in a group that "finds out" every member shares a significant negative with the others than in a group which establishes itself around one particular issue from the get-go. But that's just how I feel-obviously other Rebirthing workshop leaders have been very successful with meetings that address a specific problem. The second day of a weekend training is usually scheduled to run from 10:00 A.M. to 10:00 P.M.. We typically start with a few minutes devoted to having everyone having the opportunity to bring up anything he wants to clear, but no discussion is held, no response, no defense, just a
"Thank you for sharing." Usually, we complete the sharing while we're eating lunch. We spend so much time mainly because I usually use each case to elaborate on various points about Rebirthing. After sharing, we get to PDS, as discussed in Chapter Eleven. Each person shares his outstanding grievances against his parents, and we all join in constructing affirmations to correct, heal, and eliminate these negatives. We generally end with a rousing chorus of:
By late afternoon, we move naturally from PDS to the topics of money, work, and time, as discussed in Chapter Twelve. I am constantly amazed by the variety of negatives that emerge when we talk about these issues. Every workshop I've led has brought up some new issue or some new twist on an old theme. Every workshop has produced a greater abundance consciousness, not only in the trainees, but in me and my organizer. One such change happened during a workshop I was conducting in early December, 1988. I had returned to regular full-time college teaching in October, following a sabbatical during which I had taken both Louis and my son, Tom, on a trip to India. The costs of the trip had seriously depleted my easily accessible savings, and I had only received half pay while on sabbatical. Then, during the summer vacation which followed the end of my sabbatical, I received no income at all from the college. So my money flow seemed tight to me, despite the fact that I had earned lots of other money early that year. I knew I was going to have to do something to generate more money immediately or I was going to have to stall and pay only part of my routine bills the coming month, a state of affairs I had last experienced fifteen years earlier, well before I had first embraced the Rebirthing philosophy. I know there is always an abundance of material wealth and that I usually enjoy that abundance. So I wondered what negatives were interfering. I considered cashing in part of the annuity which constituted my long-term savings, but I didn't like to pull money out from it because of government rules that caused a loss of interest on such a withdrawal. So I was casting about, trying to generate other funds to handle my current lack-a temporary lack that would be made up as soon as I received my next regular paycheck from my college teaching. I had a serious "think" about what was happening with my money thoughts, but rather than locating the negative considerations which were hampering my money flow, my mind jumped to thoughts about remedies, and I came to the conclusion that one solution was to conduct a workshop, even if only for the few new Rebirthees I had seen since returning to Los Angeles. Of course, since I was feeling and thinking scarcity, not abundance, the workshop was sparsely attended and didn't generate enough money for me to handle all my bills completely. But it did generate the insight and changes I am about to describe. As we were discussing money problems, I described a "trick" to play with money: "Take the largest denomination currency bill you can afford to keep out of circulation and put it into your wallet; then vow that it will be circulated only in case of an emergency which can't be met by other money available to you, and that you will replace it as soon as possible. So long as it rests in your wallet, you are never "broke." That change in the realities of your consciousness generally produces a positive change in your finances." As I spoke, I suddenly realized that I had broken that vow myself! For years I had followed this advice by keeping in my wallet a $100 bill I had originally received from Leonard Orr during a training at Campbell's Hot Springs in the late 70s. He had held it up in his hand and said, "I'll give this hundred dollar bill to anyone who gives me a good excuse for giving it to him." Almost everyone in the training came up with a sad story about how they needed the money for their rent or to pay their dentist, etc., etc. But Leonard didn't loosen his hold on the $100 bill. The atmosphere was beginning to get sticky and I wanted to get on with something else, so finally, impatiently, I raised my hand and said, "Leonard," if you give me the hundred dollars, I promise I'll spend at least a hundred and fifty dollars before the day is over." Leonard stayed silent for a while, as if analyzing my offer, and then replied, "Well, I'd certainly be happy to give a hundred dollars to my mother." And I said, "Well, I'm old enough to be your mother, and I'd be happy to be regarded as your mother, if that's what you want." Leonard smiled and said,
"That sounds good." I had already experienced some unexpected money problems in Burma. Our hotel and meal costs had been prepaid in Los Angeles even before we received permission back in Los Angeles to enter Burma, so I didn't need cash for living. And because we were told that we couldn't buy hard currency with any remaining Burmese money on leaving the country, on arrival in Rangoon, I exchanged only a small amount of USA money to pay for any Burmese souvenirs I might purchase. So far as I knew, I still had a few USA dollar bills in my wallet, along with several $1,000 traveler's checks. On our last day in Burma, just before leaving Rangoon for Bangkok, I phoned my son in Los Angeles. We had last been in contact many weeks earlier, and he had asked me to phone him that day to make sure he could leave in time to meet us in India a few days later. The call finally went through just before we were due to leave with our tour guide for the airport. I talked with Tom only long enough to ascertain that everything was OK, then I hung up and went to pay the hotel proprietor the $15 I had been told by the guide was the cost of a call to the USA. Much to my shock, the hotel proprietor insisted the phone call cost was $45, not $15, and it had to be paid in USA dollars. He angrily refused to take the Burmese money I had saved for the call and for a tip to our guide. Since I didn't have enough USA money, I rushed to the one-and-only bank in Rangoon to try to cash one of my $1,000 traveler's checks, only to be told they could only give me all Burmese money, and not any dollars. That meant that I would lose more than $950 just to satisfy the hotel proprietor, and I wasn't about to do that. So I went back to the hotel and tried again to convince the hotel proprietor to take my remaining Burmese money as pay for the phone call. He became so angry that he brought in the police and for a while I thought I was going to miss my flight to Nepal and instead was going to go to a Burmese jail. Fortunately, in exchange for the few USA dollars I still thought were all I had, the tour guide finally convinced the hotel man to accept my Burmese money, along with one of my blouses which the hotel owner and his wife wanted. As I left for the airport, I remembered selling my saris to another hotel owner in India years before, and thought how I, apparently, could get around Asia without money so long as I still had clothes to trade. When we arrived in Nepal, I confidently went up to the currency exchange to change one of my traveler's checks, but to my dismay, I was told that the currency exchange in Kathmandu couldn't cash a $1,000 traveler's check either and that no banks would be open until the end of the weekend. Then, suddenly, I remembered that "Leonard's" $100 bill was still safely tucked away in my wallet. I had never used it. I triumphantly pulled it out and was easily able to exchange it for enough Nepalese rupees for us to enjoy a great abundance during our stay in Nepal. Leonard's bill served me well, and I was glad I hadn't remembered I had it back in Burma after all, where I was sure the tour guide would probably have figured out a way to get all of it and split it with the hotel proprietor. In the fullness of time, we left Nepal, spent our weeks in India, then went on to China and to Hong Kong, and finally back to Los Angeles. Later in the summer, I went to the East Coast to do some workshops, then drove my son's auto all alone by myself from D.C. to Toledo and Chicago, then to New Orleans, on to Dallas and Albuquerque, and finally back to LA in time to start the Fall semester and to struggle with my bills-until the time when I was talking about money in my December LA workshop. As I was considering what negative considerations about money might have been interfering with my cash flow, I suddenly realized that, in all the time I'd been back from overseas, I hadn't remembered to replace the $100 bill in my wallet! So, that Saturday afternoon, I told my trainees I needed to take a short break to go to the bank. I zoomed over to the bank and withdrew $100 from my very low checking account, and put the five $20's I received back into the side pocket hiding place in my wallet. (On Monday, I converted them into another crisp $100 bill that stayed in my wallet for many more years.) Now, at least, I was square with my conscience, keeping my promise to keep $100 in my purse only for the next emergency. The minute I did that, my money problems dissolved. I arrived home to find two marvelous messages on my phone machine. They gave me a great opportunity to prove to my workshop that Thought creates. The first message was from the movie studio, asking to use my house again the next two weeks for some re-shoot's and offering to pay me considerably more than previously because of the inconvenience. As soon as I heard that message, I knew my temporary money problems were solved. The second message may have led to my solving my money problems even more permanently, and certainly led to my solving time problems, so I think it merits further discussion before getting back to the topic of the standard Rebirth training. The call was from a woman I had never met who said I received excellent references from several Rebirthers she knew, and that she wanted to take me as her cabinmate on a free seventeen-day cruise on the Cunard Princess if I would Rebirth her every day! The cruise was to start the following Friday. With permission from the workshop, I phoned her back and we talked enough so it seemed to me we could get along. I told her I'd love to accept her invitation, but that I would have to ask my Department Chairperson to allow me to take off the time. Because it was just before the Christmas break, I wasn't sure I could get permission. However, when I talked about it with my Chair the next Monday, she said I'd be a fool not to accept the offer and reminded me that I could always take unpaid personal leave. I arranged for the movie studio to start work at my house that week, and four days later, I met my roommate for the first time. The cruise went from Los Angeles to Acapulco and Cabos San Luco along the coast of Mexico, to Costa Rica, then through the Panama Canal up to Columbia, then to Grand Canyon in the Caribbean, and finally to Fort Lauderdale. My roommate and I got along marvelously, and I did, indeed, Rebirth her every day for seventeen days straight. I learned a lot about her life in Palestine before World War II and then afterwards in Israel during its wars. Her discussion of the conflicts in her marriage reminded me of mine with my first husband, and I found myself letting go lots of the grievances I apparently had still been holding on to. During our last Rebirth, I had a very clear intuition that her husband would prevent her from having anything more to do with me or with Rebirthing once she returned to Los Angeles. My Rebirthee and I spent another week together in hotel rooms and in a rental car I drove, seeing the Everglades, the Florida Keys, and then Epcott Center. We finally parted as I delivered her to a friend of hers on Northern Florida and boarded the plane to go to D.C., New York, and Boston to see my family. But, at least for me, the trip wasn't just a vacation. Was replacing the $100 bill the magical key that opened the door to extra money from the studio and leisure to work on this book? Was restoring my honesty to myself to keep my vow about the money in my wallet the miraculous correction of my scarcity thoughts? I'd like to think so. That afternoon I thought of a new exercise for my trainees to complete. Here's mine: MONEY MAGIC
When we're dealing with PDS and Money, Work and Time, I always like to tell my groups some of the funny stories concerning money I've experienced, especially how money travels. Lots of times, money I've earned from a Rebirthing event has passed from me to another Rebirther to another, performing little miracles of consciousness with each change of ownership. One series of such exchanges started with the objection of one of my workshop organizers in England to letting my friend Louis, who was traveling with me, attend the workshop without paying anything. So I paid her her portion of the half fee that was the organizer's due. The several other organizers of that workshop said they didn't object to Louis' being in the workshop free. We both had the opportunity to deal with some of our similar issues about being with men who weren't earning their livings. I realized I had dealt with the role reversals between men and women relative to who provides the main support for the family by acknowledging that I have the choice of supporting myself and saving my excess to leave to my children or supporting myself plus Louis and saving less. Clearly my children won't be harmed by my spending more of my income giving myself the congenial company of Louis. Realizing all that was well worth the cost of the organizer's fee. At the end of the workshop, as I was driving back to London with another of the organizers, he said that a mistake had been made in the accounting, and that exactly the same amount of money was still due me. So I happily accepted it. That led to my determining to change my ways and start at least looking at the accounts of fees received, instead of accepting my share blindly. So that was a double benefit: the extra payment and the new resolution. The next day, we attended a holiday dance in London given for all Rebirthers and friends, organized by the same organizer who had asked Louis to pay for the workshop. At the end of a really great evening, it turned out that not enough money had been collected at the door to pay the band's charges as well as the cost of the hall. The amount needed was exactly the same amount, once again! Since that was the amount I had planned to give to my organizer as a tithe, I explain that, instead of giving that amount to the organizer, I would pay the band. The organizer then used the evening's receipts to pay the cost of the hall rental. I've puzzled about all those transactions many times, trying to figure out if anyone lost out in any way. The way I look at it, everyone won. I certainly did. When we get back from eating supper together, everyone chooses a new Rebirth partner and the couples go off to exchange the second round of Rebirths. By the time the first of this second round of Rebirths is finished, many people want to close up shop for the night, so they generally make plans to complete the other Rebirth the next morning, give hugs all around, and leave. If people congregate after the Rebirthing is finished, conversation is again kept away from talk about the Rebirth experiences themselves. The next morning, Sunday, we start again at 10:00 A.M. with clearing, then a quick share about the second Rebirth and Rebirthing experience. I draw connections between the reported events and what had been said about PDS. We finish by lunch, which we eat together again. Then we start with Sex and Loving Relationships, as discussed in Chapter Thirteen. Everyone describes his current primary sexual loving relationships and what changes are desired. The balance between fear of abandonment and fear of entrapment is discussed, and everyone is encouraged to work on appropriate affirmations.
Before we start the group Rebirth which will complete the weekend, we talk about Immortality and Babaji. Everyone has the chance to speak about their outstanding negatives about the concept of Physical Immortality. There's also plenty of time to share and ask about Babaji and other gurus. I usually invite people to come see slides of India, especially of Babaji and the ashram at Herakhan, that evening, after the workshop proper is completed, or on the following Monday evening. We carry out the group Rebirth in a well-ventilated large room. I like to play my affirmations tape for the first 45 minutes. I often play parts of the Herakhan Mahadevi tape when the full hour is up, as people start to stir back into this ordinary world. We have a very quick share of what the group experience was like for everyone, then I ask each person to read aloud the list of aims he wrote on Friday evening and to check off which ones were accomplished. The members of the group often join in, commenting on each person's evaluation as well. I said, "You don't need to feel an old negative in order to let it go. Remember, it's only coming up into consciousness so you can know you're still holding on to it, not so you can act on it as if it had ever been true and correct." They objected. They insisted it was necessary to feel pain, to embrace the pain, etc., etc. They answered, "No!" A classic exchange... Anyhow, by the time everyone in the workshop is finished reviewing our lists of aims, it's time to end. I remind everyone to hug everyone else and to be sure to get all their gear. Then we say goodbye. I have often wished I could dream up some way to close the workshop that would be sweetly solemn and compelling, or that I could feel natural using ceremonies I have participated in in workshops led by other Rebirthers or even in my own workshops outside of Los Angeles, where my organizers have managed very pleasing closing ceremonies. I haven't yet. So usually we just hug and part. No circles, no special songs. As with everything, there is a close similarity between my way of closing a workshop and my way of closing my own birth: It goes on and on and on and then, suddenly, it's all over, there's chaos and a tremendous sense of loss. There is a large difference for me between leaving a training anywhere else in the world and being left when I give a training here in LA at my home. Often, in LA, some people have left as soon as their lists have been reviewed, not waiting until everyone is complete. So, unlike residential workshops where some partings are very tearful, weekend non-residential workshop finishes in Los Angeles are often hasty and emotionally abstracted as local residents and out-of-towner's rush to start their journeys home. The "best" format, I believe, is the five-day residential training, usually referred to as a "week-long" training. The program for a week-long workshop calls for a round of individual Rebirths each day of the first four days, and a group Rebirth at the very end of the last day. We have time to complete both Rebirths for each couple in one day and to share immediately afterwards. Before breaking up for the individual Rebirths, we have time to spend a full day on each major topic:
During a week-long workshop, the daily time schedule usually goes as follows:
People stay up all night and let go their scarcity number about energy. People form profound ties with one another. People have a good time.
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The Logic of Magical Thought and The Dance of the Breath CHAPTER
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